Lena Lebedeva-Hooft (lenaswan) wrote,
Lena Lebedeva-Hooft

3460. Клад у фермы. Хорошего настроения пост.

Three funny stories altogether - all three and much more fun found at the farm! And the great ice candleholders also found at the same place, thus combine it to remember and share (and the photo goes to illustrate the post at FB link).

Крайне толково (англ. но и без языка понятно) - про ледяные свечи.
И смейтесь дальше над тремя историями. Кто сволонтерит в коментах перевести - лавры будут ваши! Мне в лом.
И огроменное спасибо Пэт - виртуальной исходно подруге на виртуальной ферме.

Как часть друзей и хороших добрых знакомых знают - есть у меня одно забавное развлечение - поигрываю на Facebook в созидательно-садово-огородное. Без особых привязанностей и вот только впервые за многие годы решила копеечку потратить. Ну да не о ферме речь. А о друзьях-которые-виртуальные. Из реальных то полутора тыщ ведь только человек пять играют, да и то в другие игры, не в ферму большинство. А друзья для садово-виртуального нужны - так что кодовым словом "Farmville" ещё года три назад такой мы клуб играющих помощников образовали. И теперь - радостно восстановились часть тех контактов, в жизни же ведь не общались иначе. И вот среди тех контактов вдруг обнаружился клад. Копилка просто смешного и позитивного. наблюдательные и прямо на странице Facebook заметят - ну а для многих френдов тут - и себе на память - перекладываю. И я три недели в других переводах - поэтому читайте уж сами на английском. Опять же третью историю я ещё и Яну не перессказала, а так вот запомню до вечера.

Вот эта третья байка пусть и будет первой.

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kg as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25kg program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

He lost 33 kilos that week.

Теперь следующая, которая на самом деле была первой, вызвавшей громкий смех и желание запомнить до вечера и рассказать мужу.

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian”

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, “Son… what happened last night?”

“Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”

Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect
order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??”

His son replies, “Oh THAT…Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone, I’m married!!”

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time…PRICELESS

Ну и третья наконец.

Four coworkers always golfed as a group at 7 A.M. every Sunday. Unfortunately, one of them was transferred out of town, so they began talking about how they would fill out the foursome. A woman standing nearby said, “Hey, I like to golf. May I join the group?” They were hesitant, but invited her to play a round, after which they would decide whether to bring her in permanently.

They all agreed and she said, “Good, I’ll be there at 6:30 or 6:45.” She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up setting a course record with a 7-under-par round.

The guys went nuts and everyone in the clubhouse congratulated her. Meanwhile, she was fun and pleasant the entire round. The guys happily invited her back the next week and she said, “Ok, I’ll be here at 6:30 or 6:45.”

Again, she showed up at 6:30 Sunday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed and matched her 7-under-par score of the previous week. By now the guys were totally amazed and they asked her to join the group for keeps.

They had a beer after their round and one of the guys asked her, “How do you decide if you’re going to golf right-handed or left-handed?”

She said, “That’s easy. Before I leave for the golf course, I pull the covers off my husband, who sleeps in the nude. If his pecker is pointing to the right, I golf right-handed. If it’s pointing to the left, I golf left-handed.”

Another member of the group asked, “What if it’s pointing straight up?”

She replied, “Then I’ll be here at 6:45.”
Tags: Дом(а) * House & family, Мысли вслух вообще * Just thinking, Фото чужие * Photos by Others, Хорошее душевное * Good for soul, Это то что я люблю * That's what I love, Я над этим смеюсь * I find this funny
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